music our tie

a loss of awareness
as time stood still
one glassy-eyed dove
at the windowsill
of a bleached-out
blanked-out
window into
what used to be me
and what used to be
you

spiral eternal
the stairs climb upwards
our two souls trapped
soaring upwards forever

addiction

i hate that
i cant shake that
awful sticky molasses-y feeling

its been with me since
as long as
since before i
can even remember

every time i lift my head
take two steps
and fall right back

and i HATE that
i cant shake that
g-d awful draining dragging feeling...

wonder if i'll shake it
'fore ive spent so much time here
i'll lose all desire

to see the light

gets closer every time
wear my head low
and my eyes
shut
tight


looking for some peace of mind
can you give it to me?

spring

and with the onset of this warm weather
or at least warmER
comes sunshine
laughter
bike rides
long nights
& summer melodies

like paramore & the rocket summer [ :) ]


do you feel?

linger

i hate that you have this effect on me

why don't you want me
the way i want you

always left wanting
but i don't want to need
wanting to find
something substantial to feed
this hunger

damn i hate the way im wired
and how the tears won't come



i wonder if you still find me beautiful

Gio

what good can i do in three days?

--one--
it begins with a tug on my tattered jeans, a pull on my hand, an overly hyperactive shout in my ear
Gio.
of course i'll help you write your letter to God. number 1 through 10? okay. now what do you want to tell God?
4 thank you's. 2 more. a moment of concentrated thought that lasts a bit longer than you would expect from an ADHD 8 year old.
do you want to ask God for anything?
another moment of thought before a decided "no" and 4 more thank you's

--two--
you pray like you're talking to a friend. you sing like you don't care who's listening. you sing like you want everyone to hear. you dance like only He can see you. you dance like no one, nothing can ever harm you. you dance like you have been saved. you laugh like you haven't a care in the world.
i cry.

--three--
running with no inhibitions..
straight. for. me.
for an 8 year old you sure can knock the wind out of a person
you're clinging, hanging, pulling, tugging
"we have to go NOW. upstairs! NOW! i have to do my reading! you have to come too! you HAVE to!"
and for an 8 year old you sure can be convincing
we make our way through the reading. you're a smart kid Gio. i tell you that.
you beam.
i tell you it's my last day. you hug me but you won't let go. you want to make it last, you say.
i want to make it last too

we smile. we wave. we hug. we hug again.
i hold my tears until my team and i stand outside to pray.

God, i doubted the work i can accomplish in three short days. and i am still unsure of what i have done, but doubt? i have none. in three short days YOU have done so much more in me than i ever dreamed possible.
may the tears now flow freely as my heart grows deeply



lessons learned from an 8 year old:
*though needing everything, you ask for nothing. may i always have such an attitude of thanksgiving.
*may i pray like i am talking to my best friend. may i sing and dance loudly, boldly, and with exceeding joy.
*may i run towards Him with no inhibitions
*may i love unconditionally